He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
