Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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