Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
