Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
