I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
