loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
