I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
