It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
We talked him into tasing himself.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
