It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
