My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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