I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
