i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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