Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
