and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
