for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
