I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
