If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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