Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
