My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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