My balls are so social today.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
