FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
