Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
