Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Randomize
