she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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