Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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