you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Just high enough for therapy.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
