You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
