somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
