therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
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