kristin has been a bad kristin
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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