Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
