I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
