i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize