just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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