thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
