there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
