Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
