Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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