don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
