apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
