fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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