Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
