his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
