i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
