dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
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