Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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