She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
