I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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