Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
