Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
