I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
