And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
