Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Randomize
