The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
