My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
