Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
