Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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