I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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