Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
you never un-have a 4some
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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