piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
