ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
two words...techno handjob
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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