That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
