I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
