Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize