Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
