The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
