When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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