Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize